Our Masters Experience

Let me begin this story by first saying that we really are responsible people. We can be trusted with your children, or your dog, or even your home. But we cannot be trusted with anyone's keys. Please, I beg of you, never let us use your car if it involves using a set of KEYS.

There was a semester in college when I had the locksmith on SPEED DIAL. His name is Fred. I called him while he was in Wednesday night prayer meeting one time. Thomas has a truck with keypad entry for this very reason. Locking the keys in the car isn't even an option, which has caused us great joy in our marriage. However, the Tahoe Thomas is currently borrowing does not have keypad entry.

You get the picture.

We locked the keys in my brother's vehichle last year at the Masters, and had to wait THREE HOURS for AAA to come get the keys out. We were determined NOT to lock our keys in the car this year. Folks, we were prepared for this. We are willing to admit we are irresponsible with keys.

So we woke up bright and early Sunday morning at my friend Caroline's lake house in Modoc, SC, which is about 30 minutes from the site of The Masters in Augusta, GA. As we prepared to walk out the door, I casually asked Thomas if he had the keys. He checked his pockets: no keys. I checked my purse: no keys. Caroline was beginning to get fidgety because being un-prepared and frantic is not her style. She is organized, timely, and put together. She began to lift pillows off the couch and dig around the counter tops. I told Caroline to sit back down and relax as I am accustomed to being frantic, un-prepared and generally unorganized. I began checking places Thomas had already checked: patting down his pockets, lifting pillows, looking under the bed, and turning over a chair TWICE etc. Thomas calmly asked me to stop looking in the places he'd already checked. "Ha," I thought to myself, "I can't even count the things I've found by looking in the places you've already looked!" But I kept my mouth shut for Caroline's sake as she also hates confrontation. We all went and peered into the windows of the car and determined that the keys must be under the napkin in the center console as it was the only logical place left.

Soon, Caroline and her put together self couldn't take it any longer: she had to DO something. "Why don't yall just take my car and I'll take care of the key situation while you're gone?" Which really meant "hint hint ya'll are stressing me out please just leave so I can organize this hunt to my liking!" I was quite willing to take the hint and high-tail it out of there, which we did. Thankfully I'd taken The Masters badges out of the car the night before. However, the chairs were locked in the Tahoe. The important thing about those chairs is that at The Masters, if you'd like to rest your rear end at any point in the 7 hour day, you must rest it upon chairs that meet strict regulations. I KNEW I was going to need to rest my rear end. I began to panic. We stopped at the first Walgreens we saw, which was of course out of canvas chairs with no arms.Thomas got a frantic look in his eye as he envisioned us walking into The Masters late due to our search for chairs. He said the one thing that he knew he could say that would make me forget the chairs and focus only on being competitive. He compared me to someone else's wife. Yes, he did.

 We were going to meet our friends Jordan and Sarah Kathryn for lunch at The Masters at 12:30. Thomas said, and I quote: "Jordan and Sarah Kathryn don't even bring chairs into The Masters. She doesn't CARE about chairs."

Oh no, he didn't.

Oh yes, he did. He compared me to another woman in a scenario where I (of course) took the bait and couldn't bear thinking that another woman was TOUGHER than me. Therefore, we went in chairless.

Things weren't so bad for the first hour or so. We walked the course and got some of the amazingly cheap chicken biscuits, sausage biscuits and coffee. Then, I started to get tired of walking around. And we still had another hour before the first round of golfers began. and 6 hours of golf to watch. We went to the great viewing spot between holes 3 and 4 and saw all the folks sitting in their comfy, armless canvas chairs. Thomas and I looked at each other and wordessly knew we were in agreement: we needed chairs, and we needed them ASAP. We agreed to bite the bullet and spend the astronomical price for 2 chairs and headed to the closest gift shop. They had no chairs left for sale but kindly told us to walk to the gift shop on the 16th hole where they MIGHT have chairs. By the time we got to the 16th hole and asked for chairs, they too were out.

We left, dejected.

Suddenly, a high schooler working at the gift shop ran up to Thomas: "Sir, did you just ask for two chairs?" "why yes, I did," Thomas replied. "Well, we happen to have just found these two that someone left here."

Relief, joy, gratitude, and bliss were some of the words that came to mind. My rear end thanked me the rest of the day.

And so did Sarah Kathryn when we propped our chairs in the shade on the 16th hole at 4pm in the 80 degree weather. (I love you Sarah Kathryn!)

Oh, and I can't forget about the lost keys.

Caroline and Katie (who are saints) called the locksmith, who unlocked the car. And the keys were nowhere to be found in the car.

They were eventually found in the chair that Thomas had literally turned over twice earlier that morning.

And the moral of the story is: don't trust us with your keys.