7 things we learned while traveling

Hi, Professional Traveler speaking.

No, really, I'm not kidding. This blog post is going to be dedicated to the things we've learned over the past 70 days of living out of our car. Thomas helped me come up with a pretty hysterical list that you won't want to miss. We came up with quite the long list, but we decided to only share the funny/appropriate ones. Believe me, Thomas came up with PLENTY that were inappropriate. So here is our revised list:

7. Pack snacks. Preferably a big box of snacks. The best things are pistachios {although they might make your husband nervous if you crack them open while you drive}, granola, dark chocolate edamame, pretzels, sunflower seeds, and when you want to reward yourself for driving a really long time, p-nut butter m&m's.
6. Don't throw a red pen with no top on it in the back seat onto your wife's white dress. Thomas did this. He speaks from experience. He nonchalantly threw a red pen into the back seat. We didn't realize until 3 days later that it landed upon my recently purchased stark white dress. Worn only twice. As you can imagine, I was horrified and said things I won't repeat. BUT, if your husband does throw a red pen with no top on it into the back seat onto your new white dress, I can tell you how to get the stain out. Because I got the stain out. Determination + Clorox can do great things.
5. Utilize cruise control. If you don't have it on your vehicle, sell it and buy one that has it. Last year, I got three speeding tickets in my Camry {may she rest in peace}. Thomas always ridiculed The Camry for not having cruise control. He said we'd save a lot of money {on speeding tickets} if I had a car with cruise control. FOLKS, it is TRUE! Since we've been driving The Green Taxi, aka The Mullet Truck, cruise control has saved our lives. We've driven thousands and thousands of miles this summer and NOT.ONE.TICKET. Cruise control is a lifesaver. And a money-saver. And a marriage-saver. And a drivers license-saver.
4. Don't help your husband practice football. At one point on our trip, I decided it would be a good idea for me to take snaps from Thomas so he could practice playing center. This seemed like a very good idea to both of us until Thomas realized I thought it would be a fun thing and I realized that Thomas thought it would be a serious/helpful thing. First snap, Thomas jammed my finger. Second snap, I said he snapped it too high because I couldn't catch it {I have no clue what I'm talking about + I can't really catch}so this only made The Husband angry. Third snap I started complaining and Thomas was beginning to sweat and mutter things I won't repeat under his breath. Thankfully, my brother-in-law was nearby so he took over the snapping and did a much better job. Lesson learned: let The Husband practice football specifics with other men. End of story.
3. Chick-Fil-A is worth risking your life. We ate a lot of Chick-Fil-A over the summer. The Husband is obsessed with Chick-Fil-A and hopes to own a Chick-Fil-A one day. Chick-Fil-A can do no wrong in his eyes. Therefore, many times we would dangerously risk our lives by swerving off of the interstate in order to get to a Chick-Fil-A exit. It was always worth it and yummy and tasty and the employees always say "my pleasure" and The Husband always says "you just can't find a bad Chick-Fil-A. The people are just so darn nice." However, this leads me to my next piece of advice:
2. Update your GPS regularly. More often than not, we located Chick-Fil-A's by using our GPS. Our GPS has been telling us we need to update for some time now. The Husband never gets on the computer and doesn't know how to update the GPS, so he blames it on me that the GPS hasn't been updated. Many, many times, destination Chick-Fil-A didn't exist. According to the GPS it did, but we would get to our "destination" and it would be a Home Depot, or a Wal-Mart, or a field. But no Chick-Fil-A's in sight. As you can imagine, The Husband would get very angry. And blame the GPS on me. And I would laugh and make The Husband even angrier. And then we would drive many more miles until we found another non-existent Chick-Fil-A.
1. Don't fight the traffic. Traffic. It exists. Get over it. Don't throw up your hands in frustration. Don't shout or yell curse words about traffic existing. Don't honk your horn. DO NOT drive down the side of the road to get away from it. We saw so many folks do some or all of these things. And sometimes we did these things {although we never drove down the side of the road. We were raised better}. All I can say is, you need to get a grip if you think you are better than traffic. Traffic exists to keep us humble and remind us that we have no control over the interstate, especially when you are driving 19 hours.

And above all, have FUN with each other in the car. We've had more fun than you can imagine in The Green Mullet truck over the past 70 days. And hey, I might even do it again if I had to.

Maybe.